Wedding Planner Q&A – Unhelpful Bridesmaid
Thursday, October 15th, 2009
Posted in Planning Advice , Wedding Planner Q&A
In our weekly Wedding Planner Q&A we look at how to deal with the anxieties, questions and problems that often crop up when you’re planning a wedding, and today I’m offering advice on how to deal with an unhelpful bridesmaid.
I asked my friend to be a bridesmaid when I first got engaged, but she isn’t helping me with any of the planning or providing any of the support I need. She doesn’t seem to have any interest in the wedding and I feel she’s making my life more difficult and stressful. I don’t really want her to be a bridesmaid any more, but how can I tell her without losing her friendship?
I can understand how you feel, but I would refrain from ‘uninviting’ her as a bridesmaid straight away. Whilst it’s important that your attendants show an interest in your wedding, remember that not everyone is going to get excited about the fact that you’ve found the perfect variety of rose for your bouquet, or that you’ve seen some beautiful blue ribbon to tie around your napkins.
Talk to her about how you’re feeling and explain that you would like her to help out more. Tell her specifically what you would like her to do – for example, you could give her the task of organising your hen night or looking up bands for your entertainment. She may not even realise that she’s supposed to be helping you, so give her a chance to put things right. Don’t give her an ultimatum of “help me more or you can’t be my bridesmaid”, as this could easily put a strain on your friendship.
If things are still the same after a few more weeks then talk to her again. Tell her that you really want her to be a part of your day, but you feel it would be better for both of you if she attended as a guest instead of a bridesmaid. Make sure you explain your reasons – for example, you’re finding the planning process quite stressful and you don’t want it to damage your friendship. You could ask her to give a reading at the ceremony instead, so that she still has a role to play in your day. You may find that she’s actually relieved that she no longer has the responsibility of being a bridesmaid.
If you have a question you’d like to share, drop me an e-mail at with “ Wedding Planner Q&A ” as the title, and I’ll be sure to feature it here on the blog.